wake up i wanna do it froggy style
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
