Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
