alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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