my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
