So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
