I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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