dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found puke in my bra..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So squirting runs in the family.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
