Are we in a gay sports bar?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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