I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
