never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
