I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
