Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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