I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
