I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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