my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
