just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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