I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
