You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
