I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
