I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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