I wish I could teleport
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
