need another drink. this is the easiest way
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish there were birth control emojis
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize