so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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