i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
