Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
