So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
