Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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