Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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