You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
