So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
