I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
