I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
