i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
