If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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