Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I still have a little drunk in my system
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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