i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
