its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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