1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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