it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
