I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
