Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
