Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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