On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
