I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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