you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
