you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
