my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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