I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
third nipple confirmed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
