if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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