yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
